Author: Mortal In White

Sitting in his room, typing away at his laptop, he feels nothing.

The face does not have any expression.
The heart does not have any expression.

It’s one of those days, days where you feel nothing.

He’s wondering if it matters.
He is wondering what would happen if he disappeared from the face of the earth this very moment.

Will he be missed?- probably.
Will that last long? The missing, the grieving?- no.
Everyone will move on with their lives like he was never here.

Yeah, it’s one of those days.

Sometimes it feels like that life is not going anywhere. I am running but I am not really moving. It is, as if I’m running on a treadmill. I spend days thinking maybe my legs have turned to lead…or maybe I am not supposed to be running at all.

I think about the world where I am not part of this charade. The charade to be successful and treat this life like a grocery list.

I would rather it be a bucket list.

I would take experiences over titles any day, I hope. I like to believe I have the calibre of understanding the inner workings of my complex mind and this beautiful world that I am part of.

I mean thousands of stars and universes have conspired for my existence so it must be for something more than just running on a treadmill.

If we can believe in God, we can believe in anything.

It seems like a vast subject but in actuality, it is not. It is just faith. And even something as pure as faith can be exploited by us mortals, partly because it sounds stupid and partly because there are atheists.

No matter who we are, where are we, we all believe in something. But for some apparent reason, my faith is pure and the others need logic and sagacity.

I do not have a brother, just a little sister. People always found it hard to perceive that we are a happy family and that my parents are in acceptance of the mechanics of biology and that they love us both enormously and unconditionally.

The questioning, the thirst for a boy child has always bothered me and sometimes made me furious but my parents always had a smile on their faces. When people asked to try for another child, they would just laugh it off.

So, one day I let my curiosity get the better of me and asked them that why don’t they defend us?

And they asked me why do they need to. They raised us to be confident and understanding humans. And we don’t need defending, ever.
We are enough on our own and they don’t need to prove that to every human being they meet is what they said.

They told me that if we believe in different things than others, it doesn’t give us a right to call them wrong. We all know what our circumstances taught us.
You can make people aware of the possibilities but you can never force your beliefs on them. Never. You can never teach them something they are not ready to learn or show them something they don’t wish to see.

So just have some faith in humanity and a little acceptance. We got here, others will too.

Death, is a weird topic to discuss, to look to, to believe in.

My sister does not like to talk about death at all, while I have no problem accepting that maybe today is my last day.
A lot of people are like either me or her but there’s also a category in between. I like to call them hypocrites.

They are the people in the temples looking for peace but not even thinking twice before elbowing their way to ‘prasad.’ And to get that absolution.

Life, funnily enough, is just a distraction from Death. We are all dying. And it makes me wonder that are we in acceptance with our mortality? maybe. We all know that we are dying but do we ever accept it completely? possibly.

But doesn’t this one fact makes everything worthless
like that job, this dress, that human. But it does not stop us from doing things, all kinds of things.
We all find ways to benefit ourselves and leave others to bite the dust.

There will be retribution, there always is, will we be ready for it?

I have always wondered what love is.

Is it something magnificent like fireworks.
Or something enthralling like double rainbows.

You see, I have never been in love.
I have loved people.
I have loved things.
I have loved ideas.
But I have never been in love.

I know it is not an earth-shattering revelation but sometimes I feel there is a glitch in my theory because I like to believe in the skipping of a heartbeat kind of love, butterflies in the stomach kind of love, hair raising at the nape of the neck kind of love, fulfilment kind of love.

But, maybe, maybe you don’t feel a burning sensation when that person touches you, maybe you don’t feel your stomach in a knot, maybe you don’t hold your breath when that person is around, maybe it’s as subtle as falling asleep.
As subtle and common as sunrises and sunsets.

And that is a problem. Because sunsets and sunrises are something 47 per cent of the population does not even experience in their lifetime and it is phenomenal.

I don’t want to be amongst that 47 per cent.