Death, is a weird topic to discuss, to look to, to believe in.
My sister does not like to talk about death at all, while I have no problem accepting that maybe today is my last day.
A lot of people are like either me or her but there’s also a category in between, I like to call them hypocrites.
They are the people who go to temples or any praying place claiming that they want peace but they will not even think twice before hurting someone to get ahead in the line of ‘prasad.’ And to get that absolution.
Life, funnily enough, is just a distraction from Death. We are dying. And it makes me wonder that are we in acceptance with our mortality- maybe. We all know that we are dying but do we ever accept it completely- possibly.
But doesn’t this one fact makes everything worthless
like that job, this dress, that human. But it does not stop us from doing things, any kind of things.
We all find ways to benefit ourselves and disregard the idea that it might hinder others.
There will be retribution, there always is, are we ready for it?
I have always wondered what love is.
Is it something magnificent like fireworks.
Or something enthralling like double rainbows.
You see, I have never been in love.
I have loved people.
I have loved things.
I have loved ideas.
But I have never been in love.
I know it is not an earth-shattering revelation but sometimes I feel there is a glitch in my theory because I like to believe in the skipping of a heartbeat kind of love, butterflies in the stomach kind of love, hair rising at the nape of the neck kind of love, fulfilment kind of love.
But, maybe, maybe you don’t feel a burning sensation when that person touches you, maybe you don’t feel your stomach in a knot, maybe you don’t hold your breath when that person is around, maybe it’s as subtle as falling asleep.
As subtle and common as sunrises and sunsets.
And that is a problem because sunsets and sunrises are something 47 per cent of the population does not even experience in their lifetime and it is phenomenal.
I don’t want to be amongst that 47 per cent.
I sometimes get these visions of brilliant clarity. They mostly result in me changing everything possible in my life. The need or maybe greed for ‘the understanding’ has seeped to the core.
I am hungry to know, to understand this ‘thing’ I am a part of because sometimes it just feels like a game without instructions.
And sometimes it’s as simple as breathing.
It’s all just a big mystery or maybe it’s the mist clouding the senses.
“I haven’t decided if the world and everything in it are painfully complex or terribly, plainly simple.”
The sometimes painfully complex world is a beautiful puzzle waiting to be deciphered.
The sometimes terribly, plainly simple world has the allure of the sirens.
I believe I’ll never be able to make the choice.
Because the possibility of it being everything all at once is the most probable one.
The colour wheel has been arranged in harmony, to suit the nature of colours and to please the eyes. Exactly like the shades of life.
We all experience life in primary colours.
There’s childhood- full of wonder and rapt.
Then comes adulthood- time for passion and ambition.
At last, comes old age- where the light starts to dim and the sound starts to fade.
But, is this all?
I would say no.
Because life also has secondary and tertiary colours, the colours you don’t know of or don’t think about.
My favourite is Lavender, the greyish purple or pinkish magenta or pale bluish indigo. For me, it is a feeling- lavender is hope and happiness.
My Lavender can be your teal or turquoise or cardinal. Life is made up of myriad shades, so live it in Myriad Shades. Sticking with the Reds and Greens and Blues doesn’t make a pretty portrait. And start living before you run out of shades.
There’s a mask that each of us wears, of the person we all want to be but not necessarily are. It’s just sometimes funny and sometimes daunting to see people try.
Try to be perfect
Try to be different
Try to be right
That’s something every one of us believes we are- right. We all have the right opinions, we all make the right decisions and we all are just right, always. That’s the race we are in, to be ultimately right. It’s a thing we all have built in.
In this race of being right, we all are becoming something that is not right.
We are becoming
Which is something not right, isn’t it!?
No, it is fine because we are saving our society from the ill components, aren’t we?
And what is our society, our society is something who yells gender equality *practices gender inequality*, it is where everyone gets freedom of speech and expression *that is why our criminal level is so high and increases every day*, it is something where logic isn’t required because we have superstition. It is where education isn’t required because we have religion. And the only place that deserves to stay clean is our home *who cares about outside.*
Our society and it’s rules are made by human species and it the ideal species. And the rules that we live by are not ancient, no, they do not belong to the 30’s because we live in 2017. And even if some rules are not compatible with the new generation so what, tradition is a real thing that we have to savour it for as long as the humans live.
He woke up sweating, panting and completely blue.
He got up and prayed to god to help him be alive, he wasn’t dead but he could feel death.
His soul was a prisoner of his body and he was drowning in the water which wasn’t there.
He laid down on the floor, the cool tiles felt good.
And now he is thinking about how the floor is cold and slowly forgot that his heart was trying to get out his body.
15 minutes later which felt like an eternity he started his day, normally, because this whole thing was completely normal for him.
I think I lost the ‘Rule Book’,
There must be one. Right?
Otherwise, why do everyone expect certain things?
If they haven’t taught me, how am I to know!
I think I lost the ‘Rule Book’,
The one that had all the answers.
The answers to why can I do this,
And not that.
Why I have to be this,
And not that.
Why I should believe this,
And not that.
How could I lose it!
Wish I knew that it will be most used.
Why was I so careless?
Maybe the book had the answer.
Now, I am just something unhinged,
The book was the anchor.
Will I ever find it?
Help me find it.