Death, is a weird topic to discuss, to look to, to believe in.
My sister does not like to talk about death at all, while I have no problem accepting that maybe today is my last day.
A lot of people are like either me or her but there’s also a category in between, I like to call them hypocrites.
They are the people who go to temples or any praying place claiming that they want peace but they will not even think twice before hurting someone to get ahead in the line of ‘prasad.’ And to get that absolution.
Life, funnily enough, is just a distraction from Death. We are dying. And it makes me wonder that are we in acceptance with our mortality- maybe. We all know that we are dying but do we ever accept it completely- possibly.
But doesn’t this one fact makes everything worthless
like that job, this dress, that human. But it does not stop us from doing things, any kind of things.
We all find ways to benefit ourselves and disregard the idea that it might hinder others.
There will be retribution, there always is, are we ready for it?
I have always wondered what love is.
Is it something magnificent like fireworks.
Or something enthralling like double rainbows.
You see, I have never been in love.
I have loved people.
I have loved things.
I have loved ideas.
But I have never been in love.
I know it is not an earth-shattering revelation but sometimes I feel there is a glitch in my theory because I like to believe in the skipping of a heartbeat kind of love, butterflies in the stomach kind of love, hair rising at the nape of the neck kind of love, fulfilment kind of love.
But, maybe, maybe you don’t feel a burning sensation when that person touches you, maybe you don’t feel your stomach in a knot, maybe you don’t hold your breath when that person is around, maybe it’s as subtle as falling asleep.
As subtle and common as sunrises and sunsets.
And that is a problem because sunsets and sunrises are something 47 per cent of the population does not even experience in their lifetime and it is phenomenal.
I don’t want to be amongst that 47 per cent.
I sometimes get these visions of brilliant clarity. They mostly result in me changing everything possible in my life. The need or maybe greed for ‘the understanding’ has seeped to the core.
I am hungry to know, to understand this ‘thing’ I am a part of because sometimes it just feels like a game without instructions.
And sometimes it’s as simple as breathing.
It’s all just a big mystery or maybe it’s the mist clouding the senses.
“I haven’t decided if the world and everything in it are painfully complex or terribly, plainly simple.”
The sometimes painfully complex world is a beautiful puzzle waiting to be deciphered.
The sometimes terribly, plainly simple world has the allure of the sirens.
I believe I’ll never be able to make the choice.
Because the possibility of it being everything all at once is the most probable one.
The colour wheel has been arranged in harmony, to suit the nature of colours and to please the eyes. Exactly like the shades of life.
We all experience life in primary colours.
There’s childhood- full of wonder and rapt.
Then comes adulthood- time for passion and ambition.
At last, comes old age- where the light starts to dim and the sound starts to fade.
But, is this all?
I would say no.
Because life also has secondary and tertiary colours, the colours you don’t know of or don’t think about.
My favourite is Lavender, the greyish purple or pinkish magenta or pale bluish indigo. For me, it is a feeling- lavender is hope and happiness.
My Lavender can be your teal or turquoise or cardinal. Life is made up of myriad shades, so live it in Myriad Shades. Sticking with the Reds and Greens and Blues doesn’t make a pretty portrait. And start living before you run out of shades.
The feeling of HUMAN SPECIES being a parasite is getting stronger every day. We all want progress, development but paying tenfold the price for it, seems like a vapid idea. We all have a business person in us, but, it is slowly turning into a thief. A thief of natural resources, other people’s virtue and soul.
I believe you all must have heard about ZAINAB, the girl who was raped and murdered in Pakistan or about the Delhi rape and murder case or the Mathura rape case or Jessica Lunsford case or Sandra Cantu case, even if I write for days at a stretch I won’t even come close to finishing the list. And the irony is that all the malefactors blamed their deed on the victim.
We, humans, always find a way to pin the blame on somebody else so, we stay clean. No matter if it is a crime against humanity or the course of daily life, taking responsibility is not our strong suit. We cannot just take and take and take, and make the other person completely hollow and not expect them to buzz. The buzzing will soon make us all deaf and we will still be crying, asking, what is it that we did wrong!
I greeted the New Year with all the positivity I could find in me and planned the heck out of it. It’s only been a week and I have already read a book and have watched five movies. The New Year always brings a great promise, a promise that the dreams will come true and things will be exactly the way I wish them to be. I know it isn’t true or even healthy to believe, nevertheless, this is my reflex. I am one of those people who hardly stay awake after ten O’clock, but, there is something glamorous about the New Year’s Eve.
So, this year, for the very first time, I experienced the cliched moment of striking the clock twelve and feeling Utopia can very well be earth, with my friends. We weren’t in a club, soaked in liquor but in bed, discussing the spiritual realm.
The possibility of souls being trapped in purgatory or possibly they don’t or can’t leave because there is no afterlife, everything is here and now, no there and later. The possession of the human body and the extent of its destruction. There are so many strands being tied around our neck, I don’t understand why we choose to add to it. Anyway, there were a lot more to our skull session than just, spiritual realm.
And soon the yackety-yak turned into yawning and, the New Year was here.
I recently found an explanation to keep myself sane and not get annoyed or angry, I think. People can only see what they understand including me.
When someone makes a joke about being depressed they don’t understand the complex and dying scenario behind depression. I know all of us are dying but some of us can really feel the death and to understand that, one needs to see it and to see it, they have to understand it.
When we casually say ‘grow up’ the ulterior motive behind saying that is either ‘don’t bug me’ or ‘DON’T BUG ME.’ I know it is easier to look away and a lot easier to forget. But is it something that is a solution. I know you will feel guilty for looking away when that person is no more around, I know you will try to educate others when that person is no more around, I know you will blame yourself when that person is no more around but that person is no more around, whatever the reason.
Why do we want people to ignore it or just shake it off?
The answer is simple, I think, we do not understand it so we do not see it.
We don’t see:
People committing suicide
Our world getting darker
People asking for help
Air getting smokier
Our body getting weaker
The earth dying